By Novid Shaid, 1997
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Oh my days! Who’s coming up the road?
It’s those maulvi men with beards and maulvi hats!
If we don’t scarper now, we won’t escape their hold,
They’ll take us down the masjid and the mats!
Quickly, chip! They’ve spotted us up here!
Stroking their beards, Masha Allah, Brothers, Masha Allah!
They’ll lecture us, promising that there’s no fear,
But later it’s a sermon: “don’t be like kuffar!”
Oh no! They’re here. It’s too late to get away!
We’ve well and truly been collared by the mullahs!
Instead of chillin, we got to listen and obey
Instead of rap and chicks, we get the benefits of salah!
But a few years later, we get a big surprise
When we walk by, the boys run wide and far
We check our reflections and see these bearded guys,
Now we’re the Maulvis, fancy that! Masha Allah! Masha Allah!