The Battlefield: The Tawba of A Muslim Teenager

By Novid Shaid, 1997


I battle with myself

Face to face, punch for punch,

My future launches at me in front

And my past creeps up from behind.

I dodge the assault of late night party invitations,

And avoid the ambushing memories of early mistakes:

Phone numbers of girls.


I am training myself

Readjusting my senses,

Building my defences

To fight this relentless interior jihad

Slipping bullets of gluttony

And evading grenades of pride

They fire and explore around me

But I strive to keep my ground.


Before I was a pathetic refugee

Pitching tents in dunya, surrendering.

My body was conquered by the whispers of shaitan.

Battalions of lust seduced my tempted eyes

Fleets of laziness surrounded my rafts of discipline

Guerrillas of gluttony raided my rare Ramzans.


Ducking stones of anger

And parrying the arrows of desire

My past smacks me with a mighty blow

But I recover straight away.


How I have betrayed my heart!

Robbed it of Islam

Pillaged it of worship

Starved it of prayer

But engulfed it in the oil of haram.

My heart had been hard and dead

The stench of sin wreaked in my chest

Suffocating my heart

Encrusted in sins

An impervious rock.


But now the filth is softening!

Slowly the shell is weakening!

Now the sea of Islam is eroding away

The sticky rocks of dunya.

And my heart is breathing air again

Fresh and pure air it was born to breathe!


So I am left here, armed and ready

Standing alone on the battlefield

With the opposing armies of haram and shaitan

Itching to launch a strike.

But now it is I who attack!

Piercing their armour by praying

Bending their swords by repenting

Disarming their archers by reading the Quran

Crippling their cavalry by lowering my gaze.


This war will never end

My desires will never give in

They fire and explode around me

But I strive to keep my ground.


End Comment:

Please pray for all young Muslims and converts finding their way to the deen and Allah Most High. And for those of us who have already made our tawbas, pray that Allah Most High keeps us on the straight and narrow, and to keep up the fight against our true enemies!

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About Novid Shaid

I am a Muslim writer and English teacher. I have written poetry, short stories, a play, and I am currently working on a novella. My subject matter and themes are related to Islam, Sufism, politics and also my job as a secondary school teacher. My work is copyrighted and any works published here may not used or copied without my prior consent. You can contact me via the "Contact Me" page, if you wish to use any these writings. I am keen to gain the notice of publishers and if any are interested in my writings, please contact me via the "Contact Me" page. Was salaam, Peace

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