by Novid Shaid, 2004
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In a place you might know
Not a long while ago
There lived a young fellar named Nigel.
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He possessed a wry grin
And a stubbly chin
And his friends would savour his arrival
.
He loved to impress
He yearned to express
Every joke he had heard from his cousin.
.
A joker, a clown
Never seen with a frown
Nigel was surely one in a dozen.
.
Well the day had arrived
Which brought joy to his eyes
And some pride to his bold appearance
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No it wasn’t a date
With a girl until late
But two full weeks of work experience.
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Donned in suit and a tie
With a large custard pie
From his mum who had driven him barmy
.
Nigel strolled towards
A place known to all
The headquarters of the territorial army.
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When he got there he found
A terrible frown
Upon the face of the secretary.
.
With a heart-piercing stare
She told him: “You were
Supposed to come dressed casually”.
.
Nigel cried
Dropped his pie
Momentarily his brain failed to function.
Then he sighed
And realised
He hadn’t read the instructions.
.
So the woman explained
That he’d have to get changed
Before he could take on his duties.
.
He’d have to go quick
Back to home in a tick
Said the woman who wasn’t half snooty.
.
And off Nigel went
Without a comment
He was desperate to work with the big boys
.
With his shining new suit
And his polished cool boots
Now his worry had consumed his joy.
.
His home was not far
When he heard from afar
The flutter of low flying pigeons
.
They were out in full force
They were holding their course
Steadily in Nigel’s direction.
.
Nigel upped his pace
Sweat smearing his face
Within he could sense some foreboding
.
But before he could chip
The pigeons let rip
And his suit was engulfed in their droppings.
.
He went stiff
Then caught a whiff
For a minute his nose didn’t function
Then he sighed
Out he cried
“I wish I had read the instructions”.
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So Nigel reached home
To a moan and a groan
The pie, suit and shoes terribly ruined
.
He threw on his shirt
Jeans and trainers for work
While his mum’s disappointment was brewing
.
Nigel made a deal
With himself for real
To start every task with some caution
.
To read the advice
And instructions all twice
And understand with appreciation.
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So that was my tale
About a young male
That charming, bold, hopeful called Nigel
.
When you start your pursuit
Save yourself a good suit
And remember to read the instructions!