Once there was a cheeky chap
His name was Tommy Plebdoe
Who tried his luck and made a buck
By sending up the ghetto
He’d draw these silly pictures of
The peasants on the estates
The Posh would buy his magazine
To laugh at cultural tastes
Continue readingOne night as I sat
Shackled up by Facebook
The jitters from the Twitter
Filled my body and my face shook
The trap of the Whatsapp
Enwrapped my intentions
But a voice from beyond
Just arrested my attention
Sallahu ala Muhammad! Sallahu alayhi was sallam!
Locked down to the ground
Of the multiplicity
My heart was aground
A beleaguered city
Spellbound in the haze
Of my lusts’ euphoria
But the voice cleared away
The phantasmagoria
Sallahu ala Muhammad! Sallahu alayhi was sallam!
I arose with a heave
Enclosed by acedia
My head leaking facts
From the Wikipedia
My eyes bleeding tracks
From the social media
But the voice kindled me
I rejoiced with a fever
Sallahu ala Muhammad! Sallau alayhi wa sallam!
I strained to my door
To the ways of the speaker
My phone tingling
Making me feel weaker
My soul signalling
To awake like a seeker
The voice echoing
And the light shone brighter
Sallahu ala Muhammad! Sallahu alayhi wa sallam!
I followed the voice
In my mind’s metropolis
Approached by these hawkers
And hucksters and sophists
They plied me with gadgets
And pure luxuria
But the voice stirred me
Like the Queens of Nubia
Sallahu ala Muhammad! Sallahu alayhi was sallam!
Then beyond the display
Of my urban madness
A pistachio tree
I encountered with gladness
The limbs shivering
With the breezes of Oneness
The leaves whispering
Shimmering with abundance
Sallahu ala Muhammad! Sallahu Alayhi Wa Sallam!
The roots of the tree
Spoke to me in a dialect
The fruits of the tree
Was a map to redirect
“To find the essence
When you’re feeling remoteness
Recite this sentence
Tune in to the gnosis.”
Sallahu ala Muhammad! Sallahu Alayhi Was Sallam!
There’s a group of heroes
Enough we can not stress
That deserve our gratitude
They’re in our NHS!
The doctors and the nurses
And the workers and the porters
They’re helping us negotiate
Covid’s choppy waters!
They’re working 12 hour shifts
They put our safety first
Without their stirling bravery
Our health would be much worse!
Despite the clear adversity
Despite the challenges
Despite the risks to their safety
Despite the ravages
These people just keep fighting on
With undying dedication
They are the darlings of the hour
The pride of all the nation!
Please make their lives more bearable
By staying safe at home
Stem the spread of Corona Virus
Don’t let them fight alone!
We pray that all the blessed staff
Of our great NHS
Manage to steer through this trauma
Without unending stress
And bless the souls who passed away
Whilst caring for patients
They are the martyrs of this war
Which has rumbled since the ancients
So every Thursday clap your hands
Stand by your front door
Say bravo to the NHS!
They serve the rich and the poor.
(This memo was discovered online by freedom activist, Bobby Tomminson, using extensive investigative journalism and google searches, for example, evil-Muslim-plots, Islamic-invasion-plan and all-Muslims-are-ISIS- though he later had to receive counselling for mistyping Muslim-Bomb to Muslim-bumb.)
MEMO: FOR ALL ENGLISH-SPEAKING MUSLIMS
GUIDANCE ON GAINING DOMINION OVER EUROPE AND NORTH AMERICA BY 2030
Dear Brothers and Sisters,
First, we will infiltrate the language, word by word. We will demand that one or two of our words are adopted to promote community cohesion. So instead of common words like magazine, we will replace it with… (wait, magazine is already from Arabic- makhzan/khazana) Okay, instead of their numbers, we will replace them with Arabic numerals… (oh, hang about, the numbers are already Arabic), well, instead we will replace words they are fond of like alcohol.. (oh, that’s from al-kuhul- Arabic again) and when they get older, they will live in one of our words- bungalow… (but that’s already from Bengali/Hindi/Urdu).
Continue reading
One day, two men were arrested at the Id Gah mosque in Kashgar and sent away for cultural citizenship education. Onlookers, rather stunned, watched as the men were ushered into the police van, while the accompanying officers scanned around for potential trouble. No one stirred as the officers jumped in the back of the van, next to the men, who were also seated silently. The authorities were expecting a massive uproar from the locals, especially as intelligence had uncovered that these two men were revered as holy men or healers, who lived on the streets and could heal supernaturally. But there was no resistance; no struggles. The locals seemed pacified and the two men just sat there calmly. Just as the van pulled away, a local grocer woman called out: “see you again, insha Allah.”
Continue reading.
Here’s a funny little anecdote that involved me as a youth. The morals of this story include that when you are giving people dawah about the deen, take their age, mentality and lifestyle into account before you tell them anything about Islam. And also, when giving dawah to youngsters, especially those brought up in the west, think carefully about what you’re going to say.
.