A New Yorker called Donald Trump
With Latinos and Muslims, he had the hump!
For him all the Latinos were a bunch of druggies
And Muslims were a national security worry.
He’d flick his quiff and pick and sniff
While screaming firebrand speeches
The Muslims angered him so much
He’d go all pink like peaches!
“Quickly, Indiana!” Screamed his young sidekick
“Grab and bag that Ramadan
Before the beasts come quick!”
Indiana held his breath, outstretching his fingers
The kufi on his head slipping, sweat beginning to linger
That jewel, that priceless treasure stood
Tantalizing to his finger tips
Shining like an unearthly maid
Aromatic as a tulip
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Get indoors!
And lock em quick!
Watch out for the Mozlamics!
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First they’ll wrap yer in a burka!
Then they’ll make you eat samosa!
Their Sharon Law will make you sick!
Watch out for the Mozlamics!
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“I just want to love God, I blurted out….” Piscine: The Life of Pi
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Billy Smith was a quiet little English boy who lived on a working class estate in Bradford. Although he was only twelve, Billy had an extremely deep approach to life, unlike all the other kids. His mum noticed this even when he was a baby. Laughing and giggling at things she could not see or comprehend, his mum thought that her son seemed to exist on a heavenly plain. And what a difference between Billy and the typical lads around him when he grew older! While he would sit in awe, watching the splendour of the setting sun or marvel at the starlings looping in the grey sky, the other kids would point at him and laugh. They just played X Box.
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What do you sing with a drunken dervish?
Sing and cry with a drunken dervish?
What do you cheer with a drunken dervish?
Early in the morning!
.
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I’m a man who was born in England
And I was flabbergasted you see
When this lady jeered with her terrible sneer:
“Go back to your own country!”
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I was sitting minding my own business
At the back of the number twenty-three
And this lady glared like a grizzly bear:
“Go back to your own country!”
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“We live in a tough neighbourhood.” Benjamin Netanyahu
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You think I am some tyrant
No, you’ve misunderstood!
Coz where I strut, you gotta be a hardnut!
I live in a tough neighbourhood!
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By Novid Shaid, 2011
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Once there were two neighbours
who were locked in a rivalry,
for one was a would-be Sufi
and the other a would-be Salafi.
By Novid Shaid, 2011
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When this Goofy Gora did a roza once in Ramadan,
He fasted so well, he made us all feel real bad.
He took it so seriously that we thought he was mad,
this Goofy Gora who did a roza in Ramadan.
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Down in the heart of Aylesbury
Lived a little bald man doing a PHD
On the mysteries of the Muslim creed
Like what on earth does Eid really mean?
Around he searched in the community
Interviewing a Muslim whoever he could see
And he told them about his mission to study
What on earth does Eid really mean?
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So first he met a great grinning Mullah Maulvi
Who told him: “Truly Eid is from Allah’s bounty!
It’s a great celebration, a time to feast!
After we’ve fasted it’s a great relief!
And that’s what Eid means to me!”
Next came a grumbling, middle-aged auntie,
“Well, there’s triple more cooking to do you see
From steaming chicken roast and gallons of mango lassie
When Eid is finished I’ll put my feet up you see
And that’s what Eid means to me!”
A little boy said: “I can’t wait for Eid!
I get some wicked flashy clothes, and plenty of money!
I say, Eid Mubarak to my da da gee,
In the morning the mosque, with shalwar qameez
And that’s what Eid means to me!”
“Yo, I chill it out with my bad boy hommies
We cruise on down with our beaming M3s
Filling the Broadway with our colours of green
Coz Eid is the time to show you Paki-stani
And that’s what Eid means to me!”
A young woman laughed, “I really love Eid
I wear exquisite henna and gorgeous mehndi
I dress like a princess for all to see
All the colours they sparkle like a Christmas tree!
And that’s what Eid means to me!”
“It’s a very busy time, very busy indeed!”
Said the barber, “the rush you’ll never believe
We don’t get any sleep in the night before Eid,
Cutting and styling, getting them ready,
And that’s what Eid means to me!”
“It’s time for tremendous generosity!”
Said a lady, “feeding orphans and the poor needy
We think of others who may be suffering, we
remember those who aren’t as lucky you see
That’s what Eid means to me!”
“It depends who you talk to,” said one of the momineen,
“It’s a time for joy and humility
Uniting with your friends and your family
It’s a day to remember Allah’s limitless mercy
And that’s what Eid means to me.”
So off went the student with his PHD
He collated his notes and made a summary:
“it’s all about food and looking pristine,
And enjoying yourself with your family
But it’s for praising Allah really, ultimately,
Now I understand what Eid really means!”
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Notes:
Da Da Gee: Urdu/Punjabi for paternal grandfather