Intermandias

For Shelley

I met a traveller from a digital land

Who said: “Two vast and wireless screens and phones,

Stand in some memories. Near them, on discarded toilet rolls,

Spread out, a printed message lies, with fonts

So micro soft, and typefaces for command prompts,

Tell that its printer well that software read  

Which yet survive, stamped on these paper sheets,

The ink that stained them and lines that smudged

And on the strips of rolls, it can be read:

‘My name is Intermandias,

Look on my works, ye ancients, and despair!’

Nothing online remains. Round the decay

Of this obsolete tech, boundless and rich  

The lone and loving souls stretch far away.”

The Walls- Short Story

Adam and Hira had just turned twenty, when they realised, they were in prison. Now they could see four monumental walls topped with barbed wire to the north, south, east and west. Now they could make out the prison officer uniforms on men and women they had not noticed before. Now they could see other prisoners around them, looking and behaving much like themselves. Fear and anguish grew chains around their hands and ankles; the couple struggled to move as the realisation took hold of them; their breaths quickened and sweat trickled on their heads. How on earth did they not realise this before? Why were they prisoners? What had they done wrong? As far as they knew, they had lived an average life in an average town, following the law of the land, most of the time, and keeping out of trouble. Yet now they found themselves languishing behind towering walls and barbed wire.

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True Stories: The Rise and Fall Of Aylesbury Asians (1991/1992) Part 2

Our sponsorship photo with a factory in Aylesbury. I’m at the back in the middle…

Before I begin this second, extended memoir of the Aylesbury Asians saga, I must give an apology. All that is written here is but fragments from my flawed memory and perception, so I ask those whom I have missed out to forgive me, and to those who disagree with my version of things, you are more than entitled to pull me up. May Allah give us the wisdom to say what is beneficial and leave out the nonsense! Ameen! My intention in sharing these stories is to shine a light on the past, with the hope that it brings cheer and nostalgia, which enriches our present moments and futures. I would also like to thank all the people I have mentioned in these accounts for making our collective lives richer, funnier and greater, both then and now. Alhamdulillah, in Aylesbury, us Paks have grown up together, inhaled the same air, walked the same streets and chilled in the same parks. Long may it continue! Ameen!

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Muslim Imperatives

Smile endearingly like Al Mustafa

Brighter than an iridescent star

Rise celestially like Isa

Transcending corporeal fever

Conjure mystic snakes like Musa

Which devour the pull of Lucifer

Teach insightful lessons like Al Khidr

Slay the evil imp lurking within

Endure your quandaries like Ibrahim

Scorched by worldly fires but still serene

Supplicate with tears like Maryam

Ask for blessings of miraculous sums

Love your companions like Adam

Appreciate your sir or your madam

Show true patience like Asiya

With pharaonic souls and behaviour

Search for holy water like Hajar

Traverse the mounts of genuine manners

Rest like the seven sleepers of the cave

Hibernate from tendencies depraved

Convey your trusts faithfully like Jibril

Honour your receiver and reveal

Stand for truth like Abu Bakr As Siddiq

Stern with the arrogant; kind with the weak

Rule dependants like Umar ibn Al Khattab

Mediate fairly avoiding harm

Read Quran like Uthman Ibn Affan

Whether in safety or in enemy hands

Strive against deception like Imam Ali

Rip off the gates of inner hypocrisy

Believe sincerely like Khadija

Stay with the truth when most waver

Learn by heart like Lady Aisha

Capture wisdom like an early riser

Abstain from vanity like Fatima

Be in the world like a traveller

Worship the Only One like Al Hasan

Before light appears on the horizon

Campaign and move onwards like Al Husain

Before the tyrants, struggle unafraid

Safeguard texts and secrets like dear Hafsa,

As the Quran was entrusted to her

Unify like Bilal Al Habashi

Crush your sins under boulders of unity

Travel like Salman Al Farisi

Gaining untold wisdom endlessly

Persevere and strive like Sumayya

Sacrifice your soul for divine favour

Nurture nature like Abu Hurayra

Be the cats and animals’ saviour

Serve leaders like Anas Bin Malik

Make your service glisten like magic

Love the poor like Uwais Al Qarani

Share your blessings even in poverty

Lead the masses like Umar ibn Abdul Aziz

Treat the rich and poor impartially

Purge your thick self, like Abu Hanifa,

Understand the rulings of the ether

Cherish Medina like Imam Malik

Dismount your horse and feel his dynamic

Efface your self, like Imam Ash Shafi

Even in genius show humility

Cling unflinchingly, like Ahmed Ibn Hanbal

To your creed and your principles

See your faults like Imam Jafar As Saddiq

Let not your lineage make you lethargic

Flee from worldlings like Mulay Idris

Whether in the west or in the east

Reject, like Imam Hasan Al Basri,

The vain glories of this world and history

Eulogise like Rabia Al Adawiyya

Reject the idols that people revere

Recite janaza prayers like Al Bistami

Upon the world’s commotions and tsunamis

Roam for God, like Dhun Nun Al Misri

Searching unceasingly for divine mysteries

Relinquish, like Ibrahim Ibn Adham,

Your earthly throne and mass media bedlam

Walk on earth like Bishr Al Hafi

Waken your sleeping soul like caffeine

Watch your soul like Zubda and Mughda

Make love and service your inner dogma

Join the schools like Imam Al Junayd

See the names and essences unveil

Hide your worship, like Bahlul Majnun

Don’t fret if people think you are a fool

Deny your selfish self, like Lubaba,

Resist the urge to swagger and blabber

Love the next world like Mu’mina

Transcend the aim for fame and villas

Burn your ships like Tariq Bin Ziyad

Face your inner fears, making a stand

Experiment with life, like Imam Al Razi

Test the chemicals of life’s safari

Aim for excellence like Fakhru Din Al Razi

Purify your faith from heresies

Contemplate deeply, like Ibn Rushd,

The signs and symbols of Godhood

Study humankind like Ibn Khaldun

Learn from Bedouins and urban fools

Journey through the earth like Ibn Battuta

See with your own eyes, not with computers

Rise with merit like Lubna of Cordoba

From slavery to exquisite culture

Humble your intellect like Imam Ghazali

Discipline your soul before life’s finale

Conquer the deserts like Hazrat Jilani

Prevail over the world’s spell, uncanny

Accompany sages like Ibn Al Arabi

Absorb their state and spirits’ clarity

Proselytise like Muhyidin Chisti

Dispel misconceptions, dim and misty

Serve the sick and poor like Daata Saab

By contemplating all in true love’s garbs

Love your friends like Rumi and Shams Tabriz

Let true friendship cure this life’s malaise

Open heaven’s doors like Baba Fareed

By paying with your soul the gnostic fees

Persist and resist like Ertugul Ghazi

Never bowing before the enemy

Conquer your psyche like Al Faatih

Make these victories in constanti

Sail the seas like Imam Ash Shadhili

Against the winds of hidden idolatry

Pray with your secret like Naqshabandi

Gaze into your heart’s profundity

Forgive and be gracious like Salahudin

Those close to you or even your enemies

Share your riches like Mansa Musa

Be generous whilst in your cruiser

Facilitate like Fatima Fehri

Fund the arts, learning and poetry

Flourish superbly like Fakhr Un Nisa

Flow and curl like a master calligrapher

Dress yourself like Imam An Nawawi

Just one suit of utter simplicity

Rouse your ruh like Jani Begum

Ride your elephant; fight for the heavens

Project-manage like Mihrimah Sultan

Build structures steeped in excellence and charm

Compose couplets like Imam Busayri

Praising the chosen one visionary

Send prayers and peace like Imam Al Jazuli

Make salawat your soul and duty

Purify intentions like Imam Haddad

Relish intention’s sky like a nomad

Design structures like Mimar Sinan

Instil a sense of awe across the lands

Direct your sultanate like Uthman Dan Fodio

Make law and spirit your guiding glow

Silence your self like Ma Laichi

Like Khufiyya release your inner chi

See Rasul Allah like Ahmed Tijani

Wade through his tremendous valley

Invoke peace like Al Arabi Ad Darqawi

With all the jealous ones and their armies

Send salaams like Imam Ahmed Rida Khan

Stand and sing of Al Mustafa’s great charms

Say Allah like Shaykh Ahmed Al Alawi

Until you see the Only Reality

Fight invaders like Tipu Sultan

Make your enemies shiver with alarm

Battle imperialists like Imam Shamil

Purge the empire of your cruel will

Protect the vulnerable like Al Jazairi

Those of faith or other minorities

Tame your lion like Ahmadu Bamba

Just for the truth invoke your anger

Leave this world like Omar Al Mukhtar

Facing death like a warrior

Fight to the end, like Izz ad-Din al-Qassam

Against your flaws and armies of Shaytaan

Strive and learn and stand like Malcolm X

Make erudition’s light your guiding flex

Study Al Quran like Marmaduke Pickthall

Let the verses settle and enthral

Face your foes like Muhammad Ali

Float like a butterfly; sting like a bee

Perfect your khudi like Allamah Iqbal

Sharpen your spirit’s edge with the kalimah

Surmount afflictions like Fatimah Yashrutiyya

Despite poor health, keep your works sincere

Know your degrees like Al Shabrawi

Rise through the seven souls sincerely

Stand firm in faith like the people of Ghazza

Repel the hounds of hell with soul and izza

Disappear through the One and Only One

Say His name, until your self has gone.

(SATIRE) ATTENTION: LEAKED MEMO-ISLAMIC PLOT TO DOMINATE ENGLISH-SPEAKING COUNTRIES BY 2030

(This memo was discovered online by freedom activist, Bobby Tomminson, using extensive investigative journalism and google searches, for example, evil-Muslim-plots, Islamic-invasion-plan and all-Muslims-are-ISIS- though he later had to receive counselling for mistyping Muslim-Bomb to Muslim-bumb.)

MEMO: FOR ALL ENGLISH-SPEAKING MUSLIMS

GUIDANCE ON GAINING DOMINION OVER EUROPE AND NORTH AMERICA BY 2030

Dear Brothers and Sisters,

First, we will infiltrate the language, word by word. We will demand that one or two of our words are adopted to promote community cohesion. So instead of common words like magazine, we will replace it with… (wait, magazine is already from Arabic- makhzan/khazana) Okay, instead of their numbers, we will replace them with Arabic numerals… (oh, hang about, the numbers are already Arabic), well, instead we will replace words they are fond of like alcohol.. (oh, that’s from al-kuhul- Arabic again) and when they get older, they will live in one of our words- bungalow… (but that’s already from Bengali/Hindi/Urdu).

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The Two Strange Men Of Kashgar

One day, two men were arrested at the Id Gah mosque in Kashgar and sent away for cultural citizenship education. Onlookers, rather stunned, watched as the men were ushered into the police van, while the accompanying officers scanned around for potential trouble. No one stirred as the officers jumped in the back of the van, next to the men, who were also seated silently. The authorities were expecting a massive uproar from the locals, especially as intelligence had uncovered that these two men were revered as holy men or healers, who lived on the streets and could heal supernaturally. But there was no resistance; no struggles. The locals seemed pacified and the two men just sat there calmly. Just as the van pulled away, a local grocer woman called out: “see you again, insha Allah.”

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